When I started to write this post, the word that came to mind was, “tenacity.” Somehow it didn’t seem right, certainly not romantic. So, I went to my trusty thesaurus (thesaurus.com -it IS 2019 after all.) The words that came up made me smile.

Steadfastness.
“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”

Perseverance.
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Persistence.
“For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.”

So why these words? Susan and I have been through our share of storms, and then some perhaps… Literally and figuratively. Earthquakes, devastating house fires, Marital conflicts, You name it, we’ve survived it. The truth is, I would rather have Susan by my side through any battle than anyone. She has given me strength by reminding me of where my strength comes from. She has given me courage by believing in me. And although we have been knocked down, we have risen again, stronger than before.

At the very end of the tenacity synonyms that came courtesy of Roget, was the term “what it takes.” I like that one best. We are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary this weekend and it’s because we “have what it takes.” If you ask me what that is and how you can have it, I will tell that it starts with faith in Jesus Christ. I will tell you that you have to be willing to have the courage to never give up. And I would tell you to pray that you’re as lucky, blessed and fortunate as a boy named Ken was, 30 years ago, to find a girl like Susan.

It comes as no surprise when we realize that God’s love is different than ours. After all, ‘His thoughts are above our thoughts, and His ways are above our ways,’ right? On the other hand, we are created in His image, so what we do should look, at least in part, like what He does. And that is how it is with love. When we love and act our love out perfectly, it is exactly like God’s love. The problem is -at least for me- consistency. So, I have set out to understand the difference between God’s love and mine and determine if we can train ourselves to love more like He does. The following two thoughts have radically changed my heart:

#1 God’s love isn’t dependent on us. It is a staggering thought. God’s love has nothing to do with our performance. He literally IS love. He couldn’t stop it, if He wanted to… and He doesn’t want to! How can He love us in spite of our actions, our blatant disregard for Him, our disobedience, our rejection even? The fact is, His love isn’t based on us. It is based on Him. When you understand that, you can understand that you are given that same option. You can actually have the integrity to decide to love based on your own decision. Some people make it easy to keep your integrity. Some people don’t. It still remains your decision whether to keep yours or not. For God, He doesn’t have to think about it. He lives in perfect truth and perfect love. Your actions won’t change Him and the actions of others don’t have to change you.

#2 God’s love is unfailing. Can you imagine never failing to love? It seems like that would be unique to God but actually it is also unique to His love, or His kind of love. That type of love never fails. It is the kind of love that really is about the other person. It is not about how I feel it is about how I love. Again, it has no requirement of the other person. It is love because I choose to love, not because I have an expectation of what that love will help me receive. Think of it this way: With God, I may be horrible at relationship. That will never make him horrible at relationship. We can make that same choice. The people that we love may be horrible at relationship… will that make us horrible? Unfortunately, usually it does! Even though it seems irrational when we put it that way. With God, our poor performance at love makes His seem all the sweeter. When we take time with Him and let His love pour over us, in spite of us, it changes us. We have that same power. Love will eventually win and that perfect love will not fail. Even when you give it.

Spend a little time thinking about this. Are there ways you can incorporate God’s loving behavior into your own? Fortunately, we can successfully ask him for strength to love as He does and He will honor that. If you have yet to experience His love, personally… I hope you will make that choice even more. He is only a prayer away, no matter how far you may have gone in the other direction. He loves you and He can’t help it. As a friend told me once, “God has YOUR picture on his refrigerator.” Ask Him now for the experience of that Love and then distribute it in the same way to others. His love comes through one Name, Jesus. The greatest lover of all time.

Be blessed and if you’re reading this, you are in my prayers and I can confidently say, “I love you, and that is my choice.” Feel free to share with someone you love, too.

It’s no secret we live in a world of distractions. Just about everyone I know, myself included, could probably get medication for A.D.D. One report shows that 7% of children age 5-17 were diagnosed with ADHD in 2003 and then 11% in 2011. In 2016 there was a 43% increase. Email, Text messages, Social Media, Politics, the distractions are endless. I have gone 5 months without blogging because of being politically distracted and not wanting to rant on that subject. So many have become “experts.” So, I have set out to uncover and practice at least 3 ways that I can detox from Weapons of Mass Distraction.

#1. Determine and write down the things you are committed to. What is it that you don’t want to be distracted from? Do you want to read your Bible daily? Put it on your to do list and your calendar. Schedule it. If your study comes by computer, turn off all of the other applications. This may seem obvious, but are you doing it? If you want more distraction free time with your family, start by scheduling it. Make it ‘a must do’ on your list. Want to exercise more diligently? It has to be on your schedule.

#2. Set a timer and turn off distractions. The world we live in makes it extremely difficult to get through a long task without interruption. One thing that is helping me is to set a timer. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to work hyper-focused. Use the best feature ever designed for the cell phone (it’s called the off button). Work on what it is you have scheduled. When the time is up. Give yourself some time to indulge in your distraction of choice, email, text messages, etc., and set the timer for it. I don’t know that I will have to do this forever, but reprogramming bad habits into good ones is the goal. Not wanting to do everything by the hour, I am experimenting with 50 minutes of hyper-focus and 14 minutes of planned distraction. Weird maybe, but I will report on the success of it.

#3. Make sure to allow time to meditate and pray. Now before you say, “I thought he was a Christian! Remember that Psalm 1 insists we are blessed when we meditate on the teachings of the Lord “Day and Night.” Meditation takes time. Prayer takes time. Martin Luther is famous for commenting, “I have so much to do that I shall have to spend the first three hours in prayer.” As unrealistic as it sounds, spend the first part of your day meditating and praying. I can guarantee it will add hours to your day. You will be more focused and accomplish more.

I would love to hear how you avoid distractions. It may well help me, and others! Also, Please comment and/or use the share buttons below to forward. I am committed to being distraction free, (except during the minutes that I choose it on my schedule), and to being devoted to the things I care about. Politics is lower on the list than most everything in my life… certainly lower than writing. So, the blog continues. I pray that you are blessed and motivated and that there is blessing attached to everything you touch.

A confession is in order. I believe for the most part that I am abandoned to God. I don’t want to say “for the most part.” I have to, however, to keep any semblance of truth. My actions prove otherwise.
Just when I think I am ‘in a groove,’ The wrong person says the wrong thing… The worst situation happens at the worst possible time… The unthinkable is thought by someone about me… and actually said out loud!

All of a sudden there is no shred of evidence of Christ in Me. Has it happened to anyone else? When it happens, and I realize that I have defied my Christ… heard ‘the rooster’ crow the third time… I look for consolation. Everyone is gone. Have you ever felt that way?

In Mark 10:28 Peter, talked about being ‘abandoned to Christ.’
“Peter began to say to Jesus, ‘Behold, we have left everything and followed You.’”

Jesus’ next words made it clear that-

Abandonment is for Himself, not for what (we) disciples may get from it.

Think about that one. We are not abandoning ourselves for Church work, for good works, for others, not even for family. It is most certainly not for us to feel good about ourselves or ‘qualified.’ Our abandonment is simply for Him and His pleasure. There is the tendency to go to God only to get something from Him, and not for Him only. There is a self–awareness in that, that we must get past. I like the way Oswald Chambers put it. If we only give up something to God because we want more back, there is nothing of the Holy Spirit in our abandonment; it is miserable commercial self-interest. -That one hurts.

The abandonment is not even so I will be made holy and righteous. That is a result of making Him Lord, but it is not really the essential nature of Christianity.

Why abandon yourself to Him. The motivation crucial. Do you want it? For Him? I believe a step in this journey can start like this:

Do I want to be abandoned to, and hear from God?

Well first, I must stop doing all the talking to Him.

Starting today, I will begin a prayer of daily listening?.

When I hear the still small voice (or big loud one!) I WILL do 4 things:
#1 obey
#2 abandon opposition
#3 refuse to base my position on my result
#4 never stop short

This is where true abandonment becomes more than a vision.

Please feel free to join me on this journey. Comment below please if you have insight or thoughts about anything discussed and share to connect others if you feel like it will encourage them. I pray everyone reading this will not hear my words so much as the heart of the One who inspired them.

Let’s face it, us guys are a little like dogs. Being a guy, I can respectfully say that. Hey, it’s not all bad! People love dogs! But dogs think whatever is happening will continue to happen forever. Don’t believe me?

Try throwing a tennis ball for a dog or scratching his head.
When you leave a dog, he looks out the window like he will never see you again.
When you come back, it’s as though you will never leave, even if you leave at the same time everyday for years.

If the relationship is going well for a guy, he believes it will continue to go well without doing anything different, and that it will ALWAYS go well. If it starts going badly, well… we are like that dog: “The relationship may always be bad.” Neither one of those are true! It’s just our dogginess! There is something we can do and it probably won’t make any sense whatsoever. Try it anyway! I’ll be here waiting for the cards and letters to pour in.

Sometimes there is a gradual drifting apart. Other times, there is one element that isn’t working, like communication or appreciation. Still other times it seems like an instantaneous “we-don’t-connect” feeling. When it happens, I have learned to STOP putting the focus on my wife. That’s right. I said,

“STOP PUTTING THE FOCUS ON YOUR WIFE.”

Next, stop putting the focus on yourself. Instead, notice the facts. If your relationship is going badly, chances are your focus became on one of the two of you instead of on God. Start taking time daily to spend time in His Word and pray for your wife. Please do not underestimate the power of this bold move. I have never seen it fail in my own marriage or in others. Press in to God, and your wife will begin to move toward you. If you have drifted far enough, it may not be overnight but continue to do it. It will have a profound impact.

Here is a bonus. If your children begin to drift away and be disrespectful to your wife. This also works. Your children will move toward your wife, as she moves toward you, and you move toward God.

An added benefit is that you will be closer to God! His Word says, “Draw near to Me and I will draw near to You.” It works. I promise. Please comment and let me know about your experience. Also, get the word out! Hit the share buttons below and please subscribe to my blog. I will be praying that everyone reading this will be blessed beyond capacity!

There is no shortage of information on the subject of communication. Bookstore shelves are full of them. Being fascinated with the subject, I have read more than a few. It is the source of every conflict but at the same time, it is the source of healing every conflict. No matter what situation you’re in, the right communication will make it better and the wrong communication will make it worse. Here are three types of communication that are worth mastering.

1. Communication with Yourself:
I am sure it comes as no surprise to hear that there is a constant conversation going on in your head, 24-7. Much has been said about the subject and there is a lot of effort made to change it or even shut it down. It actually says a great deal about drug use in our culture. So, what is this conversation all about – and is there anything we can do about it? Is there anything we can do about it? I believe there is a LOT that can be done about it.

First, I believe that it is that very conversation that is the most familiar thing to us, about ourselves. Even an old man can have the same internal conversations that he had when he was a small child. This conversation lives in the part of us that is eternal and the conversation plays in some part to our choice that determines our eternity. To say that this communication is important would be the greatest underestimation possible. Jesus said, “Out of the heart, the mouth speaks” and “as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

There are lots of ways to affect this conversation and I will make it a topic of another blog post, but the primary way to have an impact and see HUGE results from this change of thinking is to CHOOSE everything that goes into your mind. Jesus said, “Be careful what you listen to.” The apostle Paul said, “Hold every thought captive.” Practical ways to do that will also be a future subject. You can however have a lot to say about the things you listen to. They DO affect your communication with yourself. Listen to things that will make your internal communication say the right things about your world and yourself. Get away from any negative TV. If you don’t want to be worldly quit listening to worldly things! Force feed your mind positive entries. Listen to podcasts by the likes of Michael Hyatt, Ray Edwards, even Tony Robbins. I also highly recommend Alistair Begg, Ravi Zacharias and Jeff Wickwire. Change your thinking and you will alter that communication with yourself.

Lastly, affirm yourself daily with what the Bible says about you. It is the most trusted source for the truth about that subject.

2. Communication with Others:
This is the most obvious communication that you must master and the library is full of volumes on the subject. Do you know that you can have a big impact on the internal conversation that others are having? Actually, that is what we’re doing in communication. We are having an impact on the internal communication of another. Wow! We can actually be a source of the truth and change the course of a life, just by the things we say. If only we knew the power of that.

The bible has this to say about the subject: “Our tongue is like a rudder that controls an entire ship.” “If a man can control his tongue, he is a perfect man.” Want to be perfect? Spend some time controlling that tongue of yours. How about this? “Life and death is in the power of the tongue.” Oh, here is one to think about… God said “Let there be (fill in the blank),” and THERE it WAS! He didn’t fold His arms and blink His eyes. He spoke words. They are powerful. They should come with warning labels! Life or death in your words. Think about it. Give those around you life, to their dreams, their health, their feelings about themselves. You must master this to be effective.

3. Communication with God:
The single most important communication you can have is with your Maker. There are decisions you must make regarding this, of course. I believe my maker is Jesus Christ. I have settled that communication in my mind. His Word, the Bible, says that “All things were made by Him and there is nothing that is, that was not made by Him.” I believe that but you must settle what you believe. It is also my belief that mastering all three of these types of communication is made possible by this third one. See, He can give me supernatural strength to go against the things that make the other two impossible by my own strength. The better my communication is with Him, the more I see His answers to my prayers. Sometimes immediately. Often daily. This communication with Him will impact everything you do and it will add Life to your years, which is even better than adding years to your life.

My prayer today is that God blesses everything you put your hand to. Thank you in advance for helping me get my blog in the hands of those who may find it useful. Hit the share button above or below. It is the only way this message gets out. If you would, also enter your name and email address to get my posts sent right to your inbox. Trust me, you can’t count on Facebook or any other social media to get the updates. Thanks again! Now begin mastering these three types of communication and watch the changes in your own life.

What are the key ingredients to a long-lasting relationship? Imagine if love could be dissected and the traits that make it up could be labeled and explained. Which of those traits could we actually work on in ourselves to improve our relationships?

Let me put it this way: If that were real life wouldn’t we all be able to give lots of examples where that is happening? (Involving people we actually know?!) I am convinced that all relationships require effort, but it doesn’t have to be so difficult that we feel like our efforts aren’t paying off. That is the purpose of this post.

Think about it, when a relationship is new, each person has an amazing degree of interest in the other. You want to know everything. You want to be with the other person every minute. You have phone conversations that are seemingly meaningless, only because you are so interested in what the other is doing, how their day was, and so on. Unfortunately, that interest eventually gives way to something else. We can call it reality, life, maturity or whatever but sometimes, what it feels like is a LACK of interest.

Good question, right? After so much time together, don’t you already know everything about one another? In a word, NO! People change. Their interests change and unfortunately, those things we have been calling reality and life? Those are actually symptoms of a thing that is natural in all of us: “self-interest.”

Becoming more interesting has you at the center. Becoming more interested has the other person at the center. That may be obvious, but getting involved in someone else’s interest takes some intention. In today’s world of constant distractions, continuing to find interest in something (or someone) you already know a lot about is challenging. I believe there are several practical solutions, but here’s one that really hit home for me: Have you ever got interested in a television show? Maybe one with a lot of episodes? You may binge watch through a bunch of chapters on Netflix, or it may be one that is currently on TV. If so, you’re chomping at the bit for the next episode to come on a week later! It’s obvious, right? Spending time listening and learning about the show creates interest. I hope that is revealing.

The opposite is also true. If you’re an avid consumer of one of those programs, even one that has held a high degree of your interest, it can reverse. When the show goes on hiatus or you take a vacation that disables you from watching it, there is a remarkable decrease in your interest in that show, and it doesn’t take long. That speaks volumes. Lack of time listening and learning decreases your interest in that which you were previously highly interested.

The romantic notion that interest in one another should be automatic and perpetual is dangerous. Try putting away self-interest and asking your spouse to describe some of the things that are most interesting to them. Work to discover how you can also be interested in those things, or some of them. Discuss what part you could play in helping to even increase their interest in those things. Make time for it and most of all, make time for the conversations that will lead you to increasing interest in one another.

My prayer is that you grow in interest for your spouse, and other relationships, too. I pray we all get better at loving selflessly… Just as Christ has shown us in Himself. Please comment with your own experience below and/or share using the share buttons. Also, I would love it if you subscribe. There is a button to click on above. Be blessed!

If you look around, it’s not hard to draw the conclusion that integrity is a nearly forgotten term in today’s society. Just watch a couple of Presidential debates and you’ll realize that even the most powerful people in the world have a problem getting speech and actions to coexist. The people who create the most positive change in the world, however, not only have integrity, they consistently work to build it and maintain it. According to Webster, “Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change.” That’s good but I like the Urban Dictionary’s definition: “Doing the right thing when nobody’s looking.” That is certainly evidence of integrity. I have found that learning to use one simple word is a key to building integrity. I believe it can help you too.

I want to suggest 4 ways that the word “AND” can be one of the most powerful devices to keep your direction consistent, build integrity, encourage and motivate. Before implementing the device, it’s important to know what you’re committed, to. Then, when you see you’re off track, use the word to remind you of your commitment and get back on track much faster. Here are some examples of how this works:

1. Work: Sometimes a project doesn’t turn out like I hope. I may lose a valuable client. I may be unhappy with the end result. My commitment is to do the best work I can and give more value to the client or employer than expected. So, my specific statement here would be something like, “Things did not go as planned and I have not (yet) produced the result I hoped for… AND I am committed to improve and create a possibility to make this workout to the benefit of the client, using the opportunity to give more value than expected… So, how do I do that?” Then, I work to find the answer to the question. It may involve more communication with the client. I recognize that it will certainly require more from me, but given that the expectation is within my ability, I make the effort. This keeps me moving toward having integrity in who I say I am, rather than getting bogged down in the land of “I’m-just-not-good-enough!”

2. Relationship: I am committed to my wife, as a husband but not only that. I want to take responsibility for how life occurs for her, particularly in her relationship with me. As with anyone, sometimes things disappoint her. Sometimes I disappoint her. How this technique shows up in this situation is, again, to remind myself of my commitment. Specifically, “I have disappointed my spouse… as a husband and a friend, I haven’t been what she needed… AND I am committed to making our relationship great. How do I do that?” Then I proceed to answer the question. It’s not always fast, it’s seldom easy, but the word, “AND” reminds me that there is more to the story than just hurt and dissatisfaction. There is commitment, and from that there is hope for more integrity and a better result next time.

3. Physical: (diet/exercise, etc.) I haven’t been very firm on a commitment long-term in this area but it is something I am working on. I think once I have my commitment intact, I will be able to use the same tools. So, let’s say you have a commitment to not have sugary foods but once a week. (Something I see in my near future.) If the situation comes up where you’re tempted to blow it and have it a second time, first, keep your commitment and not do it. BUT, if the time comes that you actually do blow it… The idea will be to acknowledge it AND restate your commitment. I hope you’re seeing the pattern here. “I just had a sugary ice cream cone for the second time this week AND I am committed to only having it once a week, so I am not reconfiguring my commitment, (i.e. you blew it… go eat all the sweets you want!)… no, I am reconfirming my commitment in order to be back on track instantly.”

4. Spiritual: It’s this area of commitment that I struggle with the most. It’s of course the one I should have the least struggle with. After all, God promises instant forgiveness and His Word is a constant reminder that it’s not my own “doing it right” that got me into perfect standing with Him in the first place. Still, when I commit myself to more prayer, daily study, ‘Bible-time’ with my wife, etc., missing once, can turn into twice… then three times. A better option is to acknowledge my need to nurture my integrity, AND remind myself that I am committed to be in prayer, daily study and have time in the Word with my wife. Sometimes it’s the commitments we want and enjoy the most, that get left out, soonest.

As a recap, make your commitments & work to keep them. If you blow it, use the opportunity to acknowledge the sidestep, restate your commitment AND stay on the course… AND I hope this has been of some help to you and that you will continue to correspond, subscribe and comment. If you believe this could help you or someone in your circle of influence, you can get the word out. Just click the “Share” button below.

I am praying that God blesses everything that you put your hand to, even today.

I expect that many folks who read this particular blog will read this knowing Danny. They will undoubtedly be one of his literally countless friends who like myself, consider themselves unique. That Danny was somehow “their” friend. See, Danny is like that. He has an ability to which we all aspire: ‘Understand the conversation going on in someone’s head and become part of it.’ Danny goes a step further. He becomes part of the conversation… and cares. How I would truly love to have more of that character.

At our age, Danny and I probably remember remembering our first meeting more than we actually remember meeting. I know at one point we remembered playing with blocks together in nursery at Florida Street Baptist Church. What I remember now is that even then… Danny was my friend.

It was later of course when the real tests of friendship showed up. It was Danny who sat with me 6-8 hours a day and taught me guitar. He wasn’t interested in playing guitar. He was interested in ME playing guitar. Day after day he showed up with records (for the younger folks, think big CDs). Led Zep, The Beatles, Mother’s Finest, Steppenwolf, Grand Funk Railroad, Kiss… Danny wanted to hear me play them and he would pick up the needle on those 12″ records and drop them for hours until I learned where to put my fingers. It was an unbelievable test of faith for Danny. But it paid off. For me.

Little by little, I learned those records, got gigs, got a guitar scholarship and have consequently provided for a family from that dedication from Danny. I have never said thanks enough.

Years later, Danny was the one who sat directly beside my deafeningly loud Mesa Boogie guitar cabinet for about an hour, holding my guitar cord into the pedal board to keep it from shorting out. Yep… Danny knew what friendship is made of. That conversation in my head was going ‘you’re gonna blow it… good gig tonight but your guitar cord shorted out’. Danny chimed into my head conversation, “I got this.”

Due to a series of events, different colleges, lifestyles, etc., I lost touch with Danny for a few years. I was living in LA, struggling to get a foothold in the music business when I got the call that my grandmother died. The next call came from Danny. Years of silence was covered in seconds and Danny said, I’ve made arrangements at the airport for you to come home to North Carolina. Danny had heard the conversation in my head then: “I won’t be able to make it back”. He answered in his usual tone… “I got this.”

I could go on and on but here is what you should know: Danny became a part of the team that created the heads-up displays for fighter jets. Being one of the smartest people I’ve had the pleasure to know, (he never worked for an “A” in school!), he could do whatever would pay the most. What he did however, was exchange all of his plans, for God’s plan. He, his incredible wife, April, and their amazing two young girls, exchanged it all to become missionaries in Angola.

I could go on and on but in the interest of time, I want to let you know that, a few weeks ago, I became aware that Danny had been diagnosed with oral cancer. I would like to ask you to pray for him. Some may feel led to donate to their mission. If so, kindly shoot me an email and I will give you the information to do so. You can follow his progress here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/971630599558727/

Right now, I would like to say “Happy Birthday to you today, Danny.” Thank you for 50 years of friendship. You have touched an untold number of folks, and you are the picture of friendship. I hope with all my heart, to be that for you. I love you and God bless you.

“Problems.” If you are not having one, you have had one. If you’re not in the middle of one now, chances are you know someone that is and that sometime down the road, that person will be you. Things don’t always go our way, right?

There is high value in seeing the value in problems.

Especially since we have determined they are inevitable for ourselves, and for others.

Here are two quick ways to shed a new light on a problem. Number one: Think about it… If no one had a problem, your work would be unnecessary. If you are looking for work, find ways that you can solve someone else’s problem. Inside of you, you have the capability to do and/or become exactly what someone needs to correct a situation, achieve a task or make them better. All of that has value for you and for others.

Secondly, if you are dealing with a problem of your own, it is time to reveal to yourself, and the world around you, exactly what you’re made of. Your true colors come out during conflict. You are only who you say you are, IF that is what comes out during your problem times. Are you a follower of Christ? How did he show up during the problem times in His life. Was He angry that things weren’t going the way He wanted? Use the problem to remind you of who you are. You are bigger than your problem. You are a conqueror. Move through the problem without creating new regrets. Make good decisions. Show up with confidence… not just in yourself but in the One to Whom you belong.

I hope this encourages you through whatever you may be going through or will go through. Love others through their problems and see how you can be of service. Love others even MORE through your own problems, especially if your problem is with them! Please feel free to share this with the share buttons and help connect others. Also, it would mean a great deal if you subscribe using the box in the upper right hand corner of the page. I am praying you are encouraged and that you receive every blessing.