When I started to write this post, the word that came to mind was, “tenacity.” Somehow it didn’t seem right, certainly not romantic. So, I went to my trusty thesaurus (thesaurus.com -it IS 2019 after all.) The words that came up made me smile.

Steadfastness.
“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”

Perseverance.
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Persistence.
“For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.”

So why these words? Susan and I have been through our share of storms, and then some perhaps… Literally and figuratively. Earthquakes, devastating house fires, Marital conflicts, You name it, we’ve survived it. The truth is, I would rather have Susan by my side through any battle than anyone. She has given me strength by reminding me of where my strength comes from. She has given me courage by believing in me. And although we have been knocked down, we have risen again, stronger than before.

At the very end of the tenacity synonyms that came courtesy of Roget, was the term “what it takes.” I like that one best. We are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary this weekend and it’s because we “have what it takes.” If you ask me what that is and how you can have it, I will tell that it starts with faith in Jesus Christ. I will tell you that you have to be willing to have the courage to never give up. And I would tell you to pray that you’re as lucky, blessed and fortunate as a boy named Ken was, 30 years ago, to find a girl like Susan.

It’s no secret we live in a world of distractions. Just about everyone I know, myself included, could probably get medication for A.D.D. One report shows that 7% of children age 5-17 were diagnosed with ADHD in 2003 and then 11% in 2011. In 2016 there was a 43% increase. Email, Text messages, Social Media, Politics, the distractions are endless. I have gone 5 months without blogging because of being politically distracted and not wanting to rant on that subject. So many have become “experts.” So, I have set out to uncover and practice at least 3 ways that I can detox from Weapons of Mass Distraction.

#1. Determine and write down the things you are committed to. What is it that you don’t want to be distracted from? Do you want to read your Bible daily? Put it on your to do list and your calendar. Schedule it. If your study comes by computer, turn off all of the other applications. This may seem obvious, but are you doing it? If you want more distraction free time with your family, start by scheduling it. Make it ‘a must do’ on your list. Want to exercise more diligently? It has to be on your schedule.

#2. Set a timer and turn off distractions. The world we live in makes it extremely difficult to get through a long task without interruption. One thing that is helping me is to set a timer. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to work hyper-focused. Use the best feature ever designed for the cell phone (it’s called the off button). Work on what it is you have scheduled. When the time is up. Give yourself some time to indulge in your distraction of choice, email, text messages, etc., and set the timer for it. I don’t know that I will have to do this forever, but reprogramming bad habits into good ones is the goal. Not wanting to do everything by the hour, I am experimenting with 50 minutes of hyper-focus and 14 minutes of planned distraction. Weird maybe, but I will report on the success of it.

#3. Make sure to allow time to meditate and pray. Now before you say, “I thought he was a Christian! Remember that Psalm 1 insists we are blessed when we meditate on the teachings of the Lord “Day and Night.” Meditation takes time. Prayer takes time. Martin Luther is famous for commenting, “I have so much to do that I shall have to spend the first three hours in prayer.” As unrealistic as it sounds, spend the first part of your day meditating and praying. I can guarantee it will add hours to your day. You will be more focused and accomplish more.

I would love to hear how you avoid distractions. It may well help me, and others! Also, Please comment and/or use the share buttons below to forward. I am committed to being distraction free, (except during the minutes that I choose it on my schedule), and to being devoted to the things I care about. Politics is lower on the list than most everything in my life… certainly lower than writing. So, the blog continues. I pray that you are blessed and motivated and that there is blessing attached to everything you touch.

What are the key ingredients to a long-lasting relationship? Imagine if love could be dissected and the traits that make it up could be labeled and explained. Which of those traits could we actually work on in ourselves to improve our relationships?

Let me put it this way: If that were real life wouldn’t we all be able to give lots of examples where that is happening? (Involving people we actually know?!) I am convinced that all relationships require effort, but it doesn’t have to be so difficult that we feel like our efforts aren’t paying off. That is the purpose of this post.

Think about it, when a relationship is new, each person has an amazing degree of interest in the other. You want to know everything. You want to be with the other person every minute. You have phone conversations that are seemingly meaningless, only because you are so interested in what the other is doing, how their day was, and so on. Unfortunately, that interest eventually gives way to something else. We can call it reality, life, maturity or whatever but sometimes, what it feels like is a LACK of interest.

Good question, right? After so much time together, don’t you already know everything about one another? In a word, NO! People change. Their interests change and unfortunately, those things we have been calling reality and life? Those are actually symptoms of a thing that is natural in all of us: “self-interest.”

Becoming more interesting has you at the center. Becoming more interested has the other person at the center. That may be obvious, but getting involved in someone else’s interest takes some intention. In today’s world of constant distractions, continuing to find interest in something (or someone) you already know a lot about is challenging. I believe there are several practical solutions, but here’s one that really hit home for me: Have you ever got interested in a television show? Maybe one with a lot of episodes? You may binge watch through a bunch of chapters on Netflix, or it may be one that is currently on TV. If so, you’re chomping at the bit for the next episode to come on a week later! It’s obvious, right? Spending time listening and learning about the show creates interest. I hope that is revealing.

The opposite is also true. If you’re an avid consumer of one of those programs, even one that has held a high degree of your interest, it can reverse. When the show goes on hiatus or you take a vacation that disables you from watching it, there is a remarkable decrease in your interest in that show, and it doesn’t take long. That speaks volumes. Lack of time listening and learning decreases your interest in that which you were previously highly interested.

The romantic notion that interest in one another should be automatic and perpetual is dangerous. Try putting away self-interest and asking your spouse to describe some of the things that are most interesting to them. Work to discover how you can also be interested in those things, or some of them. Discuss what part you could play in helping to even increase their interest in those things. Make time for it and most of all, make time for the conversations that will lead you to increasing interest in one another.

My prayer is that you grow in interest for your spouse, and other relationships, too. I pray we all get better at loving selflessly… Just as Christ has shown us in Himself. Please comment with your own experience below and/or share using the share buttons. Also, I would love it if you subscribe. There is a button to click on above. Be blessed!

I expect that many folks who read this particular blog will read this knowing Danny. They will undoubtedly be one of his literally countless friends who like myself, consider themselves unique. That Danny was somehow “their” friend. See, Danny is like that. He has an ability to which we all aspire: ‘Understand the conversation going on in someone’s head and become part of it.’ Danny goes a step further. He becomes part of the conversation… and cares. How I would truly love to have more of that character.

At our age, Danny and I probably remember remembering our first meeting more than we actually remember meeting. I know at one point we remembered playing with blocks together in nursery at Florida Street Baptist Church. What I remember now is that even then… Danny was my friend.

It was later of course when the real tests of friendship showed up. It was Danny who sat with me 6-8 hours a day and taught me guitar. He wasn’t interested in playing guitar. He was interested in ME playing guitar. Day after day he showed up with records (for the younger folks, think big CDs). Led Zep, The Beatles, Mother’s Finest, Steppenwolf, Grand Funk Railroad, Kiss… Danny wanted to hear me play them and he would pick up the needle on those 12″ records and drop them for hours until I learned where to put my fingers. It was an unbelievable test of faith for Danny. But it paid off. For me.

Little by little, I learned those records, got gigs, got a guitar scholarship and have consequently provided for a family from that dedication from Danny. I have never said thanks enough.

Years later, Danny was the one who sat directly beside my deafeningly loud Mesa Boogie guitar cabinet for about an hour, holding my guitar cord into the pedal board to keep it from shorting out. Yep… Danny knew what friendship is made of. That conversation in my head was going ‘you’re gonna blow it… good gig tonight but your guitar cord shorted out’. Danny chimed into my head conversation, “I got this.”

Due to a series of events, different colleges, lifestyles, etc., I lost touch with Danny for a few years. I was living in LA, struggling to get a foothold in the music business when I got the call that my grandmother died. The next call came from Danny. Years of silence was covered in seconds and Danny said, I’ve made arrangements at the airport for you to come home to North Carolina. Danny had heard the conversation in my head then: “I won’t be able to make it back”. He answered in his usual tone… “I got this.”

I could go on and on but here is what you should know: Danny became a part of the team that created the heads-up displays for fighter jets. Being one of the smartest people I’ve had the pleasure to know, (he never worked for an “A” in school!), he could do whatever would pay the most. What he did however, was exchange all of his plans, for God’s plan. He, his incredible wife, April, and their amazing two young girls, exchanged it all to become missionaries in Angola.

I could go on and on but in the interest of time, I want to let you know that, a few weeks ago, I became aware that Danny had been diagnosed with oral cancer. I would like to ask you to pray for him. Some may feel led to donate to their mission. If so, kindly shoot me an email and I will give you the information to do so. You can follow his progress here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/971630599558727/

Right now, I would like to say “Happy Birthday to you today, Danny.” Thank you for 50 years of friendship. You have touched an untold number of folks, and you are the picture of friendship. I hope with all my heart, to be that for you. I love you and God bless you.

I love the story about the old man who carves duck decoys. You may have heard it but it has a powerful message. It goes something like this: Walter walks into a new friend’s home for the first time. The home is small but neat and orderly. What got Walter’s attention were the duck carvings on the shelves. There weren’t many but Walter couldn’t keep his eyes off them. They were exquisite; carved in perfect detail.

Walter finally stopped staring at them long enough to ask the friend, “Where did you get these amazing carvings?”

“I made them” said the friend. “I find pieces of wood during walks through the wooded area around my cabin and carve these ducks.”

Walter’s mouth dropped open. “How are you able to make them so perfect?”

“It’s easy. I just start with the piece of wood and carve away everything that isn’t a duck.”

***
This is my experience with taking two imperfect people, and trying to make a perfect relationship. Even when God is building a relationship with you, there is only one of you perfect. The friendship, the marriage, whatever the relationship, it doesn’t look like perfection. It may even look impossible. It may look hopeless. There is something underneath, however. Maybe you can’t see it. God can. Perhaps even someone willing to believe in you and your relationship can. There just has to be a willingness to carve away the things that are NOT a perfect relationship. Just like the duck carver. It doesn’t happen fast or without effort. It doesn’t happen without a vision. The old log finally becomes a duck through the undivided attention of the one who is willing to see it in his imagination, first.

So what is the #1 thing to carve away? Where can we take a chainsaw to the log and make the biggest difference? Like the old duck carver, I will say, “It’s easy.” Take the chainsaw to selfishness. Every single time I have chosen to look at my own relationship with my wife, or my Savior, I have found that all problems have a root of selfishness. I loathe it when I see it but somehow I have embraced the selfishness like an old friend. Selfishness is not a friend. It is the destroyer of all friendships and marriages. It is also what keeps us from God’s best.

We must learn to die to our own desire. To put another’s desire first. Did you know that one of the Greek words for “life” has to do with giving up your way of doing things. It’s the word used in the verse, “Greater love has no man than this, than to give up his life for his friends.” It is a matter of giving up your way to the point that even if it cost your very life you would continue. Simply put, that is our deepest calling. That is love and it can’t be interpreted any other way.

I pray that you, even today, begin to carve deeper into the beautiful thing that is inside your relationships. I hope you will comment, use the share buttons and help others. Also, it would mean a great deal to me if you would subscribe to the email. I won’t share your address and you’ll get my posts in your email box. You will also get personal stories and even receive free music from time to time. All you have to do is go to the upper right hand corner and put in your email and name. Thanks and have a great day carving!

On January 1, 2012, my wife and I lost our home to a house fire. Easily the most difficult event in our 25 years of marriage. It was the place where we raised our two sons. It was the place where we held a house church for two years and baptized new believers in the swimming pool. It was where we saw our sons learn music and where we made recordings in the upstairs studio. However, It was actually what happened just before and just after the fire that changed my life the most.

BEFORE: Just prior to the fire, I had been asked to teach at our local church. I believed that I was to speak on God’s Will. So I studied, preparing myself for the meeting. I learned a lot during that preparation but what stuck with me the most was the verse, “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s Will for you”. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) It is rare to find the actual words, “God’s Will” in the Bible, but seeing it in this context, helped me understand that being in God’s Will wasn’t necessarily as difficult as I had come to think… after all, just “Give Thanks”. I had no idea what circumstances were coming.

THE DAY: It was a Sunday. New Year’s Day, January 1, 2012. I was leading worship music in a small church in Weatherford, Texas. A friend had given Susan and I tickets to see “Les Miserables” that afternoon. It was a live production in Dallas, about 90 minutes away and we were excited to have a Sunday afternoon “date”. Usually when leading worship, I don’t say a whole lot, I know there is usually plenty of teaching after the worship music, so I leave that alone. On this New Year’s morning, I felt an urge to say something that had been on my mind that morning.

I said, “I believe God is going to show us a revelation of the Body of Christ (the Church) as we’ve never seen it. I believe it for me, and I want you to believe it for you.”

After the service, we went home, changed clothes and headed to Dallas for the show. Susan wanted to wear a ring I had given her at Christmas so she slipped off her wedding ring and replaced it with the new one.

We were exactly halfway into “Les Mis” when our phones started blowing up. We attempted to ignore the vibrations in our pockets but finally we scooted out (from the middle of the second row). In the lobby, Susan returned one of the many calls and collapsed under the weight of the news.

I practically carried her to the car and the hour plus trip home was tear-filled, surreal and it took much longer than it seemed it should. When we were about 15 miles away, the unbelievable news was confirmed again when we saw the smoke filling the air ahead.

Want to guess what popped into my head at the sight of the smoke? 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Susan and I began to pray, tears streaming down our faces, and we thanked God in the midst of our circumstance. Of course we weren’t thanking Him FOR the circumstance but we were thankful that we had a God that had proven Himself as loving and worthy of our trust and that we could receive His love and trust Him even through the destruction that lay ahead.

We were met with what seemed to be 100 people. Many from our Church along with family, fire-fighters and policemen. A couple from the church offered us their bed and breakfast until other arrangements were made. Already, I was seeing that morning’s prophecy come to pass.

AFTER: The next morning, we came back to what had been our home for more than ten years. In the driveway were six of our closest friends. Jerry and Dawn Garner, Tony and Jane Ford, and Doug and Lindy Shelton have been meeting with us in a small Christian marriage support group we called “2-B-1″ for five years. They were there waiting for us.

I told Tony that my main concern was Susan’s wedding ring. (I always liked it when she called it, ‘her marryin’ ring”.) As we walked back to the part of the house where our bedroom and master bath was, the scene went from dismal to worse. In the master bathroom where Susan had removed her wedding ring, we could not even find the bathtub. No sinks. Actually, if you have ever seen where it rained into a charcoal grill, that was what most of the house was like… times a million… and the goo was knee deep in the bathroom area.

After about an hour of poking in the ashy sludge with a stick, I was ready to give up. Tony looked at me with a look that I can best describe as hopeless but willing to press on. He closed his eyes, squatted back down and said, “Father, you have eyes that can see what we can’t. If it’s Your will for us to find this ring, please help us see what only You can see. In Jesus name, Amen.”

When he opened his eyes, his hand went straight into the ash and pulled out the blackened ring. His eyes were opened wide and he held the ring between my face and his and said, “What are you going to do with that, brother?!?”

I wish I had the words to describe what I felt at that moment. The closest I can come, was that I knew God cared and that surely the peace that passes all understanding filled my heart.

“I am going to put that on the finger of my bride”. What else would I say?

Just then, Susan came back into the room. I put the ring on her finger and I will never forget her words: “We may have lost everything, but with this and each other… we have everything we need. We will come back from this.”

Our relationship grew exponentially right then.

And that is the story of how I lost everything only to find what mattered most. Please feel free to share this story and comment below. I would love to hear how events in your life inspired and shaped you, too. Our God is able to use all things to bring us joy, deepen our relationships and broaden our character. I pray that God blesses you today… and always.