#24: The Number 1 Way to Carve an Amazing Relationship

I love the story about the old man who carves duck decoys. You may have heard it but it has a powerful message. It goes something like this: Walter walks into a new friend’s home for the first time. The home is small but neat and orderly. What got Walter’s attention were the duck carvings on the shelves. There weren’t many but Walter couldn’t keep his eyes off them. They were exquisite; carved in perfect detail.Duck

Walter finally stopped staring at them long enough to ask the friend, “Where did you get these amazing carvings?”

“I made them” said the friend. “I find pieces of wood during walks through the wooded area around my cabin and carve these ducks.”

Walter’s mouth dropped open. “How are you able to make them so perfect?”

“It’s easy. I just start with the piece of wood and carve away everything that isn’t a duck.”

***
This is my experience with taking two imperfect people, and trying to make a perfect relationship. Even when God is building a relationship with you, there is only one of you perfect. The friendship, the marriage, whatever the relationship, it doesn’t look like perfection. It may even look impossible. It may look hopeless. There is something underneath, however. Maybe you can’t see it. God can. Perhaps even someone willing to believe in you and your relationship can. There just has to be a willingness to carve away the things that are NOT a perfect relationship. Just like the duck carver. It doesn’t happen fast or without effort. It doesn’t happen without a vision. The old log finally becomes a duck through the undivided attention of the one who is willing to see it in his imagination, first.

So what is the #1 thing to carve away? Where can we take a chainsaw to the log and make the biggest difference? Like the old duck carver, I will say, “It’s easy.” Take the chainsaw to selfishness. Every single time I have chosen to look at my own relationship with my wife, or my Savior, I have found that all problems have a root of selfishness. I loathe it when I see it but somehow I have embraced the selfishness like an old friend. Selfishness is not a friend. It is the destroyer of all friendships and marriages. It is also what keeps us from God’s best.

We must learn to die to our own desire. To put another’s desire first. Did you know that one of the Greek words for “life” has to do with giving up your way of doing things. It’s the word used in the verse, “Greater love has no man than this, than to give up his life for his friends.” It is a matter of giving up your way to the point that even if it cost your very life you would continue. Simply put, that is our deepest calling. That is love and it can’t be interpreted any other way.

I pray that you, even today, begin to carve deeper into the beautiful thing that is inside your relationships. I hope you will comment, use the share buttons and help others. Also, it would mean a great deal to me if you would subscribe to the email. I won’t share your address and you’ll get my posts in your email box. You will also get personal stories and even receive free music from time to time. All you have to do is go to the upper right hand corner and put in your email and name. Thanks and have a great day carving!

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3 thoughts on “#24: The Number 1 Way to Carve an Amazing Relationship

  1. I love your blogs. You look deep into the soul. You are intelligent, anointed, gifted, loving, always looking out for your family and others, you are not afraid to reach out and make a difference, you are forgiving, kind and gentle. What stands out the most is your wisdom, your love for Christ and your love for your wife and your family. Keep up the great work, Ken. I’m honored to call you friend.

  2. Hey Ken,
    I’m reading this great story today for probably the 3rd or 4th time. It becomes more meaningful each time I read it. I totally agree selfishness is a destroyer of relationships. I’m more aware of this problem today than I ever have been. Thanks Ken for sharing.

    • I appreciate you and your comments, Cliff. I am glad we’re on this road together… we have a lot to learn of Christ from each other. Be blessed!